My Fair Freddy

"She married Freddy, of course."

For some reason I've always remembered this line as being something George Bernard Shaw (GBS) wrote in his "sequel" to Pygmalion (the play better known in its musical incarnation as My Fair Lady). On rereading that story recently, I discovered it wasn't there. Not only wasn't it the first line, which is where I thought I remembered it being, but it wasn't in the text at all.

In the copy of Pygmalion I own (a second hand copy bought for a dollar back when I was a teenager), GBS has provided both a prologue and an epilogue for the play. In the prologue he tells of one of the professors of phonetics he knew back in the 1870s who formed a large part of the inspiration for Henry Higgins. In the epilogue he provides the "sequel" - telling us what happened to Eliza (and some of the other characters) after the events in the play had finished.

When I first read this story, as a teenager, I found it vaguely depressing. Like many people who loved the tension between Liza and Higgins, I wanted the play to be a love story. At the time, I thought the only fit sequel to the play would involve Liza eventually taming and marrying Higgins. The idea that she would settle for Freddy, of all people, just seemed like a let-down.

I think I've been at a disadvantage because I've only ever seen Freddy performed as something of a non-entity. Whenever I've watched the movie or stage production of My Fair Lady, Freddy comes across as being a bit of a sap, really. But, reading over the play again recently, I've noticed this isn't in the play at all.

Freddy can be played as a sap, or he can be played as the Prince Charming of this particular Cinderella story. The script supports either interpretation.

And there's something else the script supports: Freddy knows.

At the very beginning of the play, Freddy gets a very good look at Liza's face when they bump into each other. They look eyes with each other just as a lightening strike illuminates the scene with a clap of thunder.

Then he comes back and talks to her again before that scene is over - no doubt paying attention to this strange woman who somehow knew his name (just as his mother had before him).

When he meets her later, in Mrs Higgins' parlour, his first words to her are "I've certainly had the pleasure". Granted, he could just be a bit of a vague fool, like his mother and sister appear to be... Or he could be a henpecked man who has met someone beautiful and fascinating and has decided to play along with this interesting game she seems to be playing.

Freddy has had it rough. He was born into the upper echelons of society, but his family is broke. He was raised to be the kind of person who doesn't need to work, but he can't afford to maintain that position. His mother and sister treat him like an idiot, and he's constantly trying to follow behind them and keep up appearances as they go from one social engagement to another (well, insofar as they can afford it). He's probably expected to marry someone just like them - but even if he wanted to, would he be able to afford it? And then, suddenly, this gorgeous young woman is dragged into his world, and it's the most interesting thing he's ever encountered in his boring, henpecked existence. Is it any wonder he's happiest when he's hanging around outside her house?

At the end of the play Eliza makes it clear that Freddy isn't stupid, they've been in contact quite steadily during the past few months, and she knows he loves her. She never says anything to indicate Freddy is someone she is "putting up with", or that she doesn't and could never return his affection. In fact, depending on how you played her, it could be quite obvious that she loves him too, but is still trying to figure out what she wants from Higgins.

It turns out Pygmalion is a love story after all, but we're so distracted by the relationship between Cinderella and her Fairy Godfather that it's easy for us to miss the real love story between our courageous heroine and her slightly goofy Prince Charming.

Reading the "sequel" again in this light, it's so obviously right. That's exactly what should happen. Eliza should marry Freddy, and they should start a flower shop. They both happen to be fish-out-of-water in this bold new middle class world (as she came from the lower classes and he from the upper); they they should struggle together to make a go of it. Higgins is someone who should always be an important part of her life, but like a godfather, not like a lover.

As GBS himself points out - Galatea could never really love Pygmalion, he's too godlike.

And Freddy? Well Freddy deserves more attention. He's so subtly drawn in the play that he can be easily over looked, and given short shrift in performance, but I think it throws the play into a whole new light if you work on the assumption that he isn't an idiot, and he knows exactly who she is - and doesn't care.

You know, I think Freddy just became my favourite character.

Under Construction

Every now and then, I just want the drilling to stop.

That's all - not world peace, not health and riches, just a good solid hour without drilling.

I expect the students studying for their exams might agree with me.

Where to put a spoof?

I was in the public library the other day when I noticed this:



Now, at the risk of sounding like a character from Sesame Street: "one of these things is not like the other..."

For those of you who might not know, Molvania is not a real country, and the guide book is not a real guide book. It's a spoof of travel books - a joke aimed squarely at the Lonely Planet type books with which it is currently sharing shelf-space.

I wondered, for a moment, if I should say something to the librarians, and then realised they probably know - there just wasn't a better place to put it.

After all, where else would you put a spoof of a particular genre? 827.994 might work for Australian "humor and satire", but is that really a better place to put it than with the genre it is satirising? Perhaps having it interfiled with the books it is mocking is more appropriate.

But, still, the library geek in me thinks they should have put the 827 in the call number somewhere. It's been too long since I've taken a good look at the DDC, so this is probably a little bit off, but perhaps this would have been a more honest classification: 914.700827994.

Maybe I'm just putting too much thought into this for a Sunday morning...

Three books, Part Two

In one of my last posts, when I introduced the idea of the game "what three books would you choose for locking with a kidnap victim in a tower" (which makes much more sense if you think of the fact that the last two retellings of Rapunzel point out that she had exactly three books with her), I referenced a much more normal game (one with less kidnapping):

"If, by some miracle, you were able to plan ahead and keep three books with you on the off chance that you were shipwrecked on a deserted island, what three books would you take?"

These are my books:

1. The Complete Illustrated Works of Lewis Carroll.

Lewis Carroll's poems, in particular, are something near and dear to me. I could probably spend the next few years learning them by heart and reciting them to the trees quite happily. Besides, I might finally get around to reading Sylvie and Bruno. You never know.

2. Suur illustreeritud sõnaraamat, by Jean-Claude Corbeil and Ariane Archambault.

This is an illustrated dictionary that consists of exploded diagrams with every part labelled in English, Estonian, Russian, German and French. It kind of rocks. I have to hide it in another room so I don't stay up to midnight finding out what the French word for "casement window" is. Alone on a deserted island, I can waste as much time as I like on looking up random things.

3. The Bible, by various.

The Bible is the perfect book to have with you in such a situation. On the one hand, it's the anthology to end all anthologies. It has legends, history, poetry and philosophy. There are stories about battles, romances, politics, tales of daring-do and naval gazing. I maintain there's even a play in there (hello? The Song of Solomon has a Greek chorus, for crying out loud!). Some books are miserable, some books are joyful, some are perplexing and others are a wee bit sexy. And if you are willing to argue with the thing rather than blindly accept it word-for-word, there are puzzles that will have you changing your mind over and over again.

On the other hand, it's great for existential stuff. If you want to yell at God for abandoning you on an island, the Bible can help you with that. If you want to ask Him to rescue you, the Bible can help you with that. If you want to ask Him to change the way you see the world so that being lost on a deserted island doesn't seem so bad, the Bible can help you with that. And, woven throughout the entire thing, turning up in different places and in different ways, is the overarching message: "you are not alone".

Like I said, the perfect book for such a situation.

So, those are my three books. What are yours?

Three Books, Part 1, update

On second thought, The Complete Encyclopedia of Stitchery is not a good choice for locking with someone in a tower.

On the one hand, it could keep them occupied for hours on end, but on the other hand, it requires resources. You would have to keep supplying your victim with a steady stream of cloth and thread.

No, a much better book would be Mel Bay's Ukulele Chords, by Mel Bay. All you need to provide then is the ukulele and some spare strings in case one snaps.

Then you can happily leave your victim to be locked in the magic tower (which grows it's own fruit and vegetables) and only come to see them once a year.

I'm gravitating a bit towards the Rapunzel's Revenge scenario at this point.

Trashy Tabloid Attack!

I'm not a big fan of trashy tabloids. I find the celebration of all things vapid and vulgar just a little reprehensible.

Generally speaking, I hate bad journalism. I had the misfortune of learning what good journalism was supposed to look like in my high school English classes. I'm not sure if they still do it today (or even if they were supposed to do it when I was in school), but in my English class we learnt all about how the whole "writing for a newspaper" thing was supposed to work.

News reports are supposed to be informative, concise, non-biased and well written. Journalists are supposed to research carefully and write clearly. Then copy editors are supposed to check facts, find mistakes and make sure the writers haven't used bad spelling or poor grammar.

And then, in an ideal world, newspapers are supposed to present their readers with news, not gossip.

That is what a newspaper should be. Something well written, well researched and meaningful. That is what I want a news paper to be.

Needless to say, I hate most newspapers. I particularly hate trashy tabloids. Every time I see a trashy tabloid I have to fight the urge to track down a "journalist" and punch them in the face.

So I have to say, I am particularly annoyed by Nine MSN's tendency to throw a tabloid at me every time I log out of Hotmail.

When you log out of Hotmail, you get taken straight to the front page of one of the trashiest, most vapid online newspapers I have the privilege of encountering in my day. The layout it terrible. The headlines are offensively trashy. The pictures are usually the kind any good newspaper would be ashamed to print.

The whole thing screams: LOOK AT ME! FOLLOW MY LINKS! READ MY TRASH! YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE!!!

But I don't want to look at it. I don't want to follow the links or read the trash. I don't want to know the bit they've shown me, let alone more.

All I want is to log out of my email account without having a tabloid newspaper thrust into my face unbidden.

If I wanted to read a tabloid newspaper, I'd find one myself. It's not like I'm sitting around thinking, "Oh, I wish someone would tell me more about what the Kardashians are up to, but I have no idea where I could go to see dozens of photos of celebrities trying to walk to the corner shops in comfy pants and no make-up..."

Dear Nine MSN, You don't need to throw trashy tabloids at people. No, really, you don't. If you feel you really must drag every single person who uses your email services towards your news page, why not have at least two news pages (one for trash, and one for "real news") and give people the choice? You might earn yourselves a bit of respect that way.

Three Books, Pt 1

And so I'll read a book/ Or maybe two or three...

So, I've been fascinated by the fact that two recent retellings of the Rapunzel story (Disneys Tangled and Rapunzel's Revenge by Hale, Hale and Hale) have been very clear about the fact that Rapunzel had exactly three books in the tower.

Tangled never went into specifics about what the books were (EDIT: actually they did - see comment), but Hale, Hale and Hale showed us the titles of the books in their version:

• Girls Who Get Saved and the Princes Who Save Them
• Weave Your Own Twig Bonnet
• There's Always Bird Watching

Which made me really want at least one of those books to exist. At present, not-so-much. Give it time.

Anyway, it got me thinking about that game. You know the one: you have to imagine you've been shipwrecked on a deserted island, but somehow you were prepared for such things and you managed to take three books with you; you need to say what three books you would choose and why.

Well, for something different, how about we go with the following variation: you have to imagine you want to lock someone in a tower, and you want to chose three books that will distract them from escaping. They have to be real books that you have actually looked at in your travels.

What three books do you choose, and why?

My three picks for locking with someone in a tower would be:

The Lady of Shallott - the one where the entire book is just Tennyson's poem illustrated by Genevieve Cote. A) because everyone should have some poetry in their lives, even if they happen to be locked in a tower, and b) because the heroine is locked in a tower and dies when she leaves. The hidden message is: "Don't even think about looking out of the windows, it's not worth it".

The Complete Encyclopedia of Stitchery, by Mildred Graves Ryan (originally published in 1979). Knitting, embroidery, crochet... everything really, and with detailed, illustrated step-by-step instructions. You just need to make sure there's a constant supply of material, and hopefully your victim will keep her/himself occupied.

Gravesend by Jason Fischer. The world is full of zombies. The people who aren't zombies will probably shoot you anyway, just to be sure. You don't want to go out of the tower.

Of course, this is all working on the assumption that I kidnap the victim and lock them in the tower after they have already learnt to read...