Where to put a spoof?

I was in the public library the other day when I noticed this:



Now, at the risk of sounding like a character from Sesame Street: "one of these things is not like the other..."

For those of you who might not know, Molvania is not a real country, and the guide book is not a real guide book. It's a spoof of travel books - a joke aimed squarely at the Lonely Planet type books with which it is currently sharing shelf-space.

I wondered, for a moment, if I should say something to the librarians, and then realised they probably know - there just wasn't a better place to put it.

After all, where else would you put a spoof of a particular genre? 827.994 might work for Australian "humor and satire", but is that really a better place to put it than with the genre it is satirising? Perhaps having it interfiled with the books it is mocking is more appropriate.

But, still, the library geek in me thinks they should have put the 827 in the call number somewhere. It's been too long since I've taken a good look at the DDC, so this is probably a little bit off, but perhaps this would have been a more honest classification: 914.700827994.

Maybe I'm just putting too much thought into this for a Sunday morning...

Three books, Part Two

In one of my last posts, when I introduced the idea of the game "what three books would you choose for locking with a kidnap victim in a tower" (which makes much more sense if you think of the fact that the last two retellings of Rapunzel point out that she had exactly three books with her), I referenced a much more normal game (one with less kidnapping):

"If, by some miracle, you were able to plan ahead and keep three books with you on the off chance that you were shipwrecked on a deserted island, what three books would you take?"

These are my books:

1. The Complete Illustrated Works of Lewis Carroll.

Lewis Carroll's poems, in particular, are something near and dear to me. I could probably spend the next few years learning them by heart and reciting them to the trees quite happily. Besides, I might finally get around to reading Sylvie and Bruno. You never know.

2. Suur illustreeritud sõnaraamat, by Jean-Claude Corbeil and Ariane Archambault.

This is an illustrated dictionary that consists of exploded diagrams with every part labelled in English, Estonian, Russian, German and French. It kind of rocks. I have to hide it in another room so I don't stay up to midnight finding out what the French word for "casement window" is. Alone on a deserted island, I can waste as much time as I like on looking up random things.

3. The Bible, by various.

The Bible is the perfect book to have with you in such a situation. On the one hand, it's the anthology to end all anthologies. It has legends, history, poetry and philosophy. There are stories about battles, romances, politics, tales of daring-do and naval gazing. I maintain there's even a play in there (hello? The Song of Solomon has a Greek chorus, for crying out loud!). Some books are miserable, some books are joyful, some are perplexing and others are a wee bit sexy. And if you are willing to argue with the thing rather than blindly accept it word-for-word, there are puzzles that will have you changing your mind over and over again.

On the other hand, it's great for existential stuff. If you want to yell at God for abandoning you on an island, the Bible can help you with that. If you want to ask Him to rescue you, the Bible can help you with that. If you want to ask Him to change the way you see the world so that being lost on a deserted island doesn't seem so bad, the Bible can help you with that. And, woven throughout the entire thing, turning up in different places and in different ways, is the overarching message: "you are not alone".

Like I said, the perfect book for such a situation.

So, those are my three books. What are yours?

Three Books, Part 1, update

On second thought, The Complete Encyclopedia of Stitchery is not a good choice for locking with someone in a tower.

On the one hand, it could keep them occupied for hours on end, but on the other hand, it requires resources. You would have to keep supplying your victim with a steady stream of cloth and thread.

No, a much better book would be Mel Bay's Ukulele Chords, by Mel Bay. All you need to provide then is the ukulele and some spare strings in case one snaps.

Then you can happily leave your victim to be locked in the magic tower (which grows it's own fruit and vegetables) and only come to see them once a year.

I'm gravitating a bit towards the Rapunzel's Revenge scenario at this point.

Trashy Tabloid Attack!

I'm not a big fan of trashy tabloids. I find the celebration of all things vapid and vulgar just a little reprehensible.

Generally speaking, I hate bad journalism. I had the misfortune of learning what good journalism was supposed to look like in my high school English classes. I'm not sure if they still do it today (or even if they were supposed to do it when I was in school), but in my English class we learnt all about how the whole "writing for a newspaper" thing was supposed to work.

News reports are supposed to be informative, concise, non-biased and well written. Journalists are supposed to research carefully and write clearly. Then copy editors are supposed to check facts, find mistakes and make sure the writers haven't used bad spelling or poor grammar.

And then, in an ideal world, newspapers are supposed to present their readers with news, not gossip.

That is what a newspaper should be. Something well written, well researched and meaningful. That is what I want a news paper to be.

Needless to say, I hate most newspapers. I particularly hate trashy tabloids. Every time I see a trashy tabloid I have to fight the urge to track down a "journalist" and punch them in the face.

So I have to say, I am particularly annoyed by Nine MSN's tendency to throw a tabloid at me every time I log out of Hotmail.

When you log out of Hotmail, you get taken straight to the front page of one of the trashiest, most vapid online newspapers I have the privilege of encountering in my day. The layout it terrible. The headlines are offensively trashy. The pictures are usually the kind any good newspaper would be ashamed to print.

The whole thing screams: LOOK AT ME! FOLLOW MY LINKS! READ MY TRASH! YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE!!!

But I don't want to look at it. I don't want to follow the links or read the trash. I don't want to know the bit they've shown me, let alone more.

All I want is to log out of my email account without having a tabloid newspaper thrust into my face unbidden.

If I wanted to read a tabloid newspaper, I'd find one myself. It's not like I'm sitting around thinking, "Oh, I wish someone would tell me more about what the Kardashians are up to, but I have no idea where I could go to see dozens of photos of celebrities trying to walk to the corner shops in comfy pants and no make-up..."

Dear Nine MSN, You don't need to throw trashy tabloids at people. No, really, you don't. If you feel you really must drag every single person who uses your email services towards your news page, why not have at least two news pages (one for trash, and one for "real news") and give people the choice? You might earn yourselves a bit of respect that way.